i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize