i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize