When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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