I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
