do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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