I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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