you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
