Only a mothe r could love this liver
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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