She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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