Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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