Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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