Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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