if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
