It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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