I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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