The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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