Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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