This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
