they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
