help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
