pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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