you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
