Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
