I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
