I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
