I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
