under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
