u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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