I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
