So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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