Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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