You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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