My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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