I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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