He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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