I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
did i just pee glitter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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