I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
