Kiss
Puke
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wear drunk well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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