today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
