Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
