One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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