She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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