this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
