Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
