Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
