Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
