I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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