so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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