Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
