she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
