I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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