i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize