I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
