spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
