I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
