I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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