A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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