you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
