I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
